The Best Clean Humor on the Internet

The internet is awash with humor. Some jokes are funny, while others are clean. Here we have the rare, yet valuable, funny, clean humor. Send your funny, clean humor to me.

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Name: Matthew O. Smith
Location: Utah, United States

While continuing to provide for his family as a computer programmer, Matt has been studying marriage and relationships for many years. He is the author of the soon to be released book: Ferocious Flirting: Making Marriage Wonderful. He is also available for speaking to groups on keeping the romance going in marriage. Feel free to email me with comments, questions or suggestions.



Thursday, July 17, 2008

A music Review

Ok, I admit it. I am a big Boston far from way back in my long hair days. I was listening to something off Boston Don't Look Back and came across the review on Pandora, which read in part:
The guitars still sound like they are being fed through computers and stacked into great walls of sound by robots, lead singer Brad Delp still sounds like he is ripping his throat out, and the harmony vocals still sound like a choir of androids warbling angelically. ... and the songs stick in your head like dirt on a dog.
I have read it several times and still can't tell if the reviewer liked the album or not. You know robots, androids, throat ripping and dogs are all pretty cool so maybe it is a positive review. I admit the songs do stick in my skull like dirt on a dog.

Check it out on Amazon

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

How not to get eaten


Angler fish
Originally uploaded by charminbayurr
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Boat Problems


Tractor-2
Originally uploaded by MarKota
Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 foot boat, going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power they applied.

After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby
marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down, and the propeller was the correct size and pitch.

So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Bad Burrito Dreams

Dude, I think I ate bad burrito last night.

A bad burrito?

Yeah. It had like beans and chilis and I don't know what all else. Tasted ok but I had the weirdest dream afterward?

Like Brittney Spears?

No, I was like in Moscow and there were lots of people screaming I couldn't understand a word they were saying.

Scary.

Yeah, dude, but then there was this rock group from Finland called the Leningrad Cowboys, but they didn't look like no cowboys I had ever seen. And they had this backup group.

You mean like Mariah Carey?

No, dude, more like the The Red Army Choir. And then they started, like singing.

In Russian or Finnish?

Neither, dude, it was in English.

And what were they singing?

Lynyrd Skynyrd. Yeah, these Finnish cowboys and the Red Army Choir were singing "Sweet Home Alabama".

Dude, that was one seriously bad burrito.

Thanks to To the Point.



Monday, April 21, 2008

Evolution and the Family Tree


Hot lips
Originally uploaded by hvhe1
A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?"
The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so was all mankind made.

"Two days later the girl asked her father the same question. The
father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.

"The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is
it possible that you told me the human race was created by God,
and daddy said they developed from monkeys?"

The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his."

Time for teletubbies, Time for teletubbies ..


Monday, April 14, 2008

Flex, Spring and BlazeDS: the full stack! (Part 1)

I've decided that it is time for me to learn a new language and I have decided on Flex. This article looks like a good place to start.

Flex, Spring and BlazeDS: the full stack! (Part 1): "!n this article series, I’ll try to give you a step-by-step process to create an application with Flex/BlazeDS/Spring/Hibernate/MySQL architecture, all of that built with Maven. I’ve been looking for such a tutorial for a long time, but you know what Gandhi said about the change you wish to see in the world, right? So I finally put all the parts together, and with a little help from a Brazilian friend, tadaaaa! Here it comes!"

Thursday, April 10, 2008

At least it has lines


Soccer Field
Originally uploaded by FloSchMUC
As a little league soccer coach, sometimes the fields are in pretty bad shape. At least this one has lines chalked in.

Friday, March 28, 2008

Sneezing Panda

Be sure you can hear the sound.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Lead us not ..


See The Pyramids
Originally uploaded by aqui-ali
When I was younger, I believed the line was "Lead a snot into temptation." I thought I was praying for my little sister to get into trouble.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

How to Identify an Elizabethan


How to Identify an Elizabethan
Originally uploaded by m0smith
Lice in hair -
Hasn't bathed in 6 months -
Dental Issues -
Earrings -
Doctor Prescribed Leech -
Smells Bad - BO -
Sewn on underware -

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Secret of Life


Geezer Crossing
Originally uploaded by xxkrypticxx
A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.
"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"

"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."

"That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?'

"Twenty-six," he said.

Free Screen Cleaner

Is your screen dirty? Do you wish you had an automatic screen cleaner that would keep your monitor spotless?

See the free screen cleaner

Thursday, February 07, 2008

Murphy and computers


upgrade-ram
Originally uploaded by DiscoWeasel
Murphy's best friend was a computer.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Immortality


reflections-thai
Originally uploaded by insashi_
Write a wise saying and your name will live forever.
--- Anonymous